Text Examples for
Retirement

For a large selection of our unique and tasteful gifts please visit The Gifts Gallery, our affiliate store.

The Prophet:
"Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in the mirror. But you are that eternity and you are that mirror."
[ top ]     
French Proverb:
Only he who does nothing makes no mistakes.
[ top ]     
A Prayer For Old Age:
GOD guard me from those thoughts men think
In the mind alone;
He that sings a lasting song
Thinks in a marrow-bone;

From all that makes a wise old man
That can be praised of all;
O what am I that I should not seem
For the song's sake a fool?

I pray - for word is out
And prayer comes round again -
That I may seem, though I die old,
A foolish, passionate man.

[ top ]     
Fun Facts:
* Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

* Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

* How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

* Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

* If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

* Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

* If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

* We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are
pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are
different colors, but they all have to learn to live in the same
box.

* Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

* Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Sent in by Carolyn Marvinetz of Michigan.

[ top ]     
Irish Blessing:
May you always have work
for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold
always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright
on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain
to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend
always be near you.
And may God fill your heart
with gladness to cheer you.
[ top ]     
The Senility Prayer:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

I started out with nothing and still have most of it.
My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . .

All reports are in -- life is now officially unfair.

Of all the things I've lost - I miss my mind the most.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few . . .

Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere!

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .

I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

Sent in by Carolyn Marvinetz
[ top ]     
Retirement Invitations:
Please come to a Retirement Party for

Date:

Time:

Place:

Please R.S.V.P. by

To:

[ top ]     
Retirement Invitations:
Please join us for a Retirement Celebration for__________________

Date:

Time:

R.S.V.P. by

To

[ top ]     
Friedrich von Schiller (1759-1805):
"The future comes slowly, the present flies and the past stands still forever."
[ top ]     
John F. Kennedy:
"We must use time as a tool, not as a couch."
[ top ]     
Oscar Wilde (1856 - 1900):
"Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us."
[ top ]     
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882):
"The years teach much which the days never knew."
[ top ]     
George Orwell:
Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the
one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.
[ top ]     
Subject: Getting Old:
90-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I'm done."
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.
Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?"
Thelma exclaimed, "That crazy old fart!
He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
[ top ]     
The Grandpa 2002:
One evening a grandson was talking
to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought
about the shootings at schools, the computer,
just things in general. The granddad replied,
"Well, let me think a minute ...I was born,
before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods,
Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill.
There was no radar, credit cards, laser beams
or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose,
air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, and
the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
man hadn't yet walked on the moon.
Your grandmother and I got married first and
then lived together. Every family had a father and a
mother, and every boy over 14 had a rifle that his
dad taught him how to use and respect.
And they went hunting and fishing together.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than I,
'Sir' and after I turned 25, I still called policemen
and every man with a title, 'Sir.'
Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family,
helping those in need, and visiting with
family or neighbors.
We were before gay-rights, computer-dating,
dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments,
good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to
know the difference between right and wrong
and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country
was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was
what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting
along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their
front doors when the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together
in the evenings and weekends -- not purchasing
condominiums. We never heard of FM radios,
tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters,
yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny,
and the President's
speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember
any kid blowing his brains out
listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan'
on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to
how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's,
and instant coffee were unheard of. We had
5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy
something for 5 & 10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone
calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your
nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600 but
who could afford one? Too bad,
because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day, 'grass' was mowed, 'coke' was a cold drink,
'pot' was something your mother cooked in,
and 'rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby.
'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, 'chip'
meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a
hardware store, and 'software' wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe
that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
No wonder people call us "old and confused"
and say there is a generation gap. ...and how
old do you think I am -???
Careful now...think before you guess and don't look!


This man would be only 59 years old!!
Sent in by Edward Izzi of Illinois.
[ top ]